A family is not just about love. First of all, its basis is understanding and caring for each other. Very often young people, absorbed in their own feelings, do not understand that life can destroy love.
Therefore, the issue of cohabitation should be approached as pragmatically as possible. It is better to discuss in advance all the possible problems that may arise in the future. And it is advisable to solve them before painting, so that later no one would be offended. This article will help clarify the nuances of sharing responsibilities in the family.
The root of the problem
Scientists say that it has not yet been invented, and in the foreseeable future, no equally successful marriage forms are foreseen that could replace the family and be the same progressive cells of society. However, this cell is completely imperfect. Researchers are worried that women still assume most of their family responsibilities, while men are virtually exempt from them. What makes the fair sex go for it?
storically, men have been engaged mainly in making money, while women are engaged in housekeeping. So did our ancestors and parents. And we dozens of years later repeat their behavior model.
On the one hand, such a relationship model is more productive, it has worked for thousands of years. However, in the modern world, everything is somewhat different. Women work on a par with men, and sometimes earn even more. This makes it possible to review family traditions. In this case, it does not matter who is the most important in the family (after all, one of the spouses is always mentally stronger than the other). It is important that they created a family together, so they must work together to preserve it.
Research by scientists
Many people think that domestic work is easy. There is no opinion more erroneous. Scientists have proved that the load on the body when doing household chores is often higher than when working at an industrial enterprise. Studies have shown that only 24% of married working women use the help of husbands, and it is not constant. Little help from the children. This is fundamentally the wrong approach. A woman who voluntarily takes on all household chores, but at the same time works, most often sacrifices her own sleep. As a result, her psyche undergoes a difficult test, which causes depression, anxiety and even aggression.
Where to start?
But not all spouses are ready to discuss the distribution of responsibilities in the family. Men often take for granted cleanliness in the house, washed clothes and a hot dinner. Their spouses, in fact, independently accustomed them to this. And what a person receives every day, he simply ceases to appreciate. As a result, his wife begins to be perceived as a servant with the function of a cleaning lady. Moreover, the male half of the population is happy with everything. The thought, and whether they treat the spouses correctly, is not gnawing at them. It just doesn't occur to them.
Therefore, women suffer, feeling like domestic workers, whose work no one notices. As a result, resentment accumulates, which can develop into a strong conflict or even end in divorce. But do not accumulate negative emotions in yourself. Scientists have long found that they negatively affect the work of internal organs. If the current situation does not suit you, you need to sit down and discuss it. Discussion is the only way to peacefully resolve the situation. You can, of course, scream and beat the dishes. Most men do not like conflicts and try to avoid them in every possible way.
However, you must admit that this approach is unproductive and fraught with loss of patience with the spouse. Therefore, psychologists are individually advised to assemble a family council and discuss everyone’s responsibilities.
The main thing is to keep love
in the family - do not lose interest in life: optimism, enthusiasm, humor, finally. You can’t let everyday problems absorb everything that was beautiful at the dawn of a relationship. But you should not rush to extremes. After all, the constant altruism of one of the spouses will force the other to use it. A measure is good in everything, but you must respect yourself and your partner.
An eternally resentful wife becomes a stone on her husband’s neck, just as her husband constantly lying on the sofa corns the woman’s eyes. Therefore, try to maintain ease in the relationship, and discuss all emerging issues directly with your spouse.
Alas, men are not able to read between the lines, they only understand what they are told directly text. To get started, bring to the second half in the most accessible form that it is difficult for you to cope with household chores alone. And you need his help. He certainly will not be able to refuse his beloved woman. And your task is to transfer this help to the category of permanent affairs, to which the spouse will quickly get used to it. At the same time, it is important to convey to him a simple truth: who in the family comes first and who comes in second is not worth thinking about. The couple is equal.
Reasonable distribution of responsibilities in the family
To begin, discuss who and what things are easier to do. For example, a man who arrives from work late in the evening, a priori, does not have time to wash the floors. But it is much easier for him to take out the trash on the way to work. On weekends, it is also easier for him to go grocery shopping while his wife is engaged in cleaning.
It is important to discuss these points with her husband. Some men love to cook. And even if you are the only one who cooks in the family truly excellently, encourage this love. Although it may take a long time to wash the kitchen, it’s not the main thing. Other representatives of the stronger sex cannot stand washing dishes, but are always ready to walk with the dog.
This is a reasonable distribution of household responsibilities in the family. You do not demand the impossible from your soul mate, but at the same time you need her participation.
The distribution of responsibilities in the family depends on employment. For example, a spouse works hard and earns more. Then it is logical to transfer most of the household chores to the shoulders of the man. And if in the evenings the missus meets you with a plate of fried potatoes, do not try to joke about the householder. A man may not show the mind, but resentment will hide for a long time in her subconscious. Instead, it’s important to praise him and show how much you value his care.
And on the day off psychologist Elena Strebkova recommends pampering her husband. In this way, you will thank him for the help around the house and show that you also take care of him when there is such an opportunity.
If you notice that your husband begins to gradually help around the house (even with numerous reminders on your part), it is important to encourage him. Respond to any manifestation of a “household” with violent emotions - throw yourself on the neck, kiss and confess your love.
Men are sensitive people. Much more sensitive than us women. And thanks for the work done are very important for them.
What about the children?
If the child has already grown up enough to carry out small assignments - that's fine. First you need to teach him how to make his own toys. Older children can feed the fish, take out the trash or go to the store for bread. Involving children in household chores is not only permissible, but also necessary. And so that the child does not forget, for example, to feed the fish, stick a bright sticker with a reminder to the aquarium. It is not so important who does what in the family. The main thing is to do it together.
Psychologists around the world argue about whether to pay children for help. However, in our country, mothers are inclined to think that remuneration is wrong. Indeed, in the future, no one will pay their matured child for cleanliness in the house and cooked soup.
Responsibilities of young parents
A small child requires constant care. Young mothers often find themselves on the verge of a nervous breakdown, endlessly caring for the baby. It is especially difficult for those who live separately and cannot rely on the help of their families. However, there is always a young dad who, although he works, must also feel on himself all the charms of fatherhood. Therefore, the spouse should give him at least a small part of household chores. He can perform them in the evenings and on weekends.
For example, going out for a walk with a baby, a man will greatly help his beloved woman. Yes, and he will rest after a hard day. Mom can get up at night to reassure the baby, since the father needs to work in the morning, he should get enough sleep.
The family is a well-coordinated organism, therefore, assigning certain functions to all family members and refusing to correct them if necessary-the approach is wrong. If, for example, the husband’s duty is ironing, but he doesn’t have time to put his shirt in proper shape before an important meeting, do it yourself. Help and mutual assistance are very important in the family.
Remember that the strength of the relationship depends on the distribution of responsibilities in the family. Therefore, do not shoulder everything on your shoulders if you do not want love to grow into resentment and mutual reproaches. Therefore, it is very important to determine who does what in the family. Start small. You can even create a to-do list that helps household members stick to established rules. Over time, you will see that thanks to the distribution of family responsibilities, your family has grown stronger, and members have begun to value each other even more than before.