No relationship can flow without quarrels and scandals. However, over time, people do not notice that there are more and more, and feelings gradually fade away. Re-igniting the fire of love is not so simple. We will talk about how to overcome the crisis of 10 years of marriage on the advice of a psychologist. In addition, you will learn a lot of useful things about the reasons for the decline of family relationships.
What is a crisis in a relationship?
Recognizing that spouses are in decline in life together may not be so simple. as it seems at first sight. A crisis in a relationship (10 years of marriage) usually occurs in most couples. As a rule, such families already have children, and mutual discontent and lapping have long moved to the household level. In addition, this period is complicated by the fact that each of the partners is experiencing a midlife crisis.
The characteristic signs that you are experiencing a crisis in relationships are dissatisfaction with your own life. A person begins to gradually realize that the family takes away precious time, energy and freedom from him, which could be put into a creative direction or sent to the implementation of a profitable project. Various domestic difficulties only aggravate the situation - a similar attitude to one’s own life is typical for so many partners.
Signs of a crisis in relationships
A crisis of 10 years in family relationships is very easy to confuse with ordinary disagreements, which every now and then can arise between partners. That is why it is important to pay attention to the signs that are listed.
- Indifference. Spouses begin to feel that they no longer care about the life of their partner. The fire of love ceases to glow, and the cold comes to replace it. First, such an attitude appears on the part of one partner, and then becomes characteristic of another. Because of this, many couples break up, and each partner says: “I don’t feel that he (she) still loves me.”
- Reluctance to make concessions. Remember your first years of your life together. You tried to consider not only your own interests, but also the opinion of the partner. In all disputes, the solution has always been a compromise, but 10 years of living together sooner or later lead to the fact that people simply stop making concessions to each other. Your own opinions and desires will come to the fore.
- Lack of intimacy. One of the most striking signs that a crisis is beginning (or has already come) in your relationship. There is nothing surprising. While the couple cannot communicate normally with each other, there can be no question of sex. Because of this, many partners even begin to cheat, stating that their partner refuses to satisfy them in bed.
- Frequent scandals and quarrels. Yes, to imagine a relationship without disagreement is simply impossible. However, if we are talking about a period of crisis, then everything becomes completely different. Spouses no longer "filter" their arguments and often turn to personalities to hurt a partner. At the end of the quarrel, each side remains at its own, and even shed tears are not a reason to apologize.
And these are only the most common signs. If you notice in time that your relationship has begun to roll downhill, you can correct the situation before it becomes critical.
Causes of the crisis
Why in some couples the crisis of 10 years of family life does not even occur? Is it really that people get along so well and struggle with all the crisis manifestations before they even arise? Psychologists distinguish 4 aspects of marital compatibility, which often become the reasons for deterioration of relations.
- Spiritual compatibility. If partners have too different values, interests, outlooks on life and needs, then sooner or later this will lead to mutual criticism and the development of the crisis.
- Family-household compatibility. This may include a desire or unwillingness to perform certain duties. For example, some men believe that cleaning, washing and cooking are exclusively female prerogatives.
- Personal compatibility. As a rule, it is expressed in the peculiarities of the spouses' temperament and is manifested even at the dating stage. It is unlikely that a couple will get along well if one person gets up early in the morning, and the second - sleeps until noon.
- Physiological compatibility. Partners may not be suitable for each other due to the fact that they are not able to get mutual satisfaction during intimacy due to the structural features of the genitals.
However, do not forget that the compatibility of the two people arises far from immediately. Truly loving couples tend to adapt. Even if the views of his soulmate are uncharacteristic of one of the partners, he will not talk about it. But how long can a person hold out? Depends on the compatibility of two young people.
Respect your partner
Now let's look at how to overcome the crisis of 10 years of marriage according to the advice of psychologists. First, you need to learn to show respect for your soulmate. Even if you do not yet feel it from your life partner - just take the first step. Start telling your loved one how important he is to you. Be sure to highlight why, so that the phrase does not sound too flattering. To do this, you can focus on a certain character trait of your partner: “You are so hardworking. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t find you. Take a break, eat sandwiches with tea.”
Maintain a feeling self-esteem
It is about the feelings of your partner. Most couples begin to leave only because one of the partners constantly criticizes or even humiliates their soul mate. It is especially painful to hear this in the company of close friends or relatives. However, if you maintain your spouse's self-esteem, then sooner or later he will realize that he is very comfortable being with you. If, instead of criticism, he hears the words: “You are the best. No one in the world could solve this problem, and even so quickly,” then you will also never be criticized. The most important thing is that it sounds really convincing - flattery will be inappropriate.
Do not mention the old mistakes
Especially if a person has already repented of them and more than once apologized. Otherwise, this will lead to the fact that your partner will constantly experience a feeling of irritation. Nobody likes constant reproaches, especially when it comes to those things that can no longer be fixed. If a person once cheated on you and you remind him of this only so that the scenario does not happen again, it is best to refrain from such actions. Otherwise, this will lead the partner to the feeling that he will now pay the price for complete stupidity until the end of his life. Well, such a feeling will inevitably develop into a crisis in the relationship.
Do not aggravate emerging conflicts
Most crises of 10 years of marriage occur only because partners often come into conflict and quarreling. However, if at least one of them begins to control anger and irritation within itself, then the situation will not heat up to the limit, and discontent will subside. Just instead of exchanging mutual reproaches, try to distract yourself from a situation that both of you don't like. For example, you can go to the cinema or take a walk in the park. Understand that not a single quarrel and squabble has brought to good. Therefore, value your time and warm feelings in a relationship.
Take mutual care
Which years of marriage are the most dangerous for the development of the crisis? Most psychologists claim that 3 years after meeting a partner, when the feeling of love begins to fade away. But how exactly does this lead to a crisis? It's just that people stop caring for each other. As a result, both partners have the impression that their lover already did not care about them. But in order to prevent such a feeling, it’s enough just not to forget to take care of your partner. It’s not necessary to bother him with phrases: “Is everything all right? Or“ Do you need help? ”Try to take care not with words, but with actions. You see that the young man has a backache after a long work at the computer - come and massage him. Instead in order to watch your spouse trying to get an object from a high shelf, just bring a ladder and help her.
10 years - what kind of wedding?
Many people ask a similar question . Especially for our readers, we answer that such a wedding is usually called "about “Tin”. Agree that tin is no longer a tree. It will not break due to strong pressure, but can only melt from high temperatures. Therefore, do not let your anger and negative emotions heat up a degree. Let the fire of love and the flame of passion warm you better. Remember that both partners are always to blame for the development of the crisis, if one of them learns to control their emotions and makes concessions, then all conflicts will subside even in the early stages of development. We hope that now you will not be wondering: "10 years - what kind of wedding?" Pewter is a pretty good result, isn't it?
We hope you now better understand how to prevent the crisis from developing 10 years of marriage. Well, if you already have this stage in your relationship, then the advice from psychologists should help you. Of course, this is easier said than done. However, if you can find the strength in yourself in order to make concessions, then you will have a long and happy joint future. Well, if the situation is already at the limit, then do not be afraid to seek help from a specialist. A family therapist should find the root of the problem and give some recommendations that will get rid of it. But what certainly should not be done is complaining about your spouse to children or friends.